Thursday, March 24, 2011

Choice Theory - Are you in control?

I learned something from Choice Theory (Dr. William Glasser)... If you are in mental pain, you are choosing it.

People say, "You hurt me by saying that!" In reality, the one saying that they have been hurt has chosen to feel hurt. Though we cannot control our emotions directly, we CAN control them by controlling what we think about and how we are thinking about it.

For example, one might hear something someone says and think, That person doesn't like me. And then... They may say, "You hurt me by saying that!" Or...

They can hear it, feel the pain momentarily (for there is about 2 seconds in which there is no control, only reaction), but then think, Maybe they don't like me, but even if they don't, I don't care. I can just move on. They may ask, "Why do you say it THAT way?" or, "What gave you that idea?" And so on.

So when one is in mental anguish, one may ask oneself, Why am I choosing to think about this this way? Or, simply, Why am I choosing to think about this?

From that point, one can think about something else, or find a more comforting way of thinking about the issue at hand.

One issue many deal with is chemical addiction... Many depressives, for example, are addicted to the chemicals depression produces. But, by always asking oneself WHY one is CHOOSING to feel (by choosing one's thoughts) a given mental pain, one will gain greater control.

When I first encountered the theory, I struggled against it, insisting that *I* "had no control over some things!" And, of course, that is true as far as what is outside of me. But I didn't want to take responsibility for what was INside of me. Yet as I thought about it, I came to conclude that taking responsibility was both fully justified AND possible.

When I came to accept that responsibility, I discovered an astonishing freedom. I cannot tell you how freeing it was - but when you reach that point (and you may have already...) you will know exactly what I am speaking of.

I know when I start to feel depressed, it is AMAZING how quickly I recover when I ask myself, Why am I choosing to depress?

Sometimes I get answers (like, my daughter is 3000 miles away and I can't get her back yet, as I have no money... And then I can start thinking about the fact that she is being fed organic whole foods, going to a school with an emphasis on math and science (when she was 4 she looked at me and said, "Mommy, math is EASY!" - I'm hoping she still thinks that when she hits calc and trig!), and is loved and cared for; the depression lifts), and sometimes I don't get an answer, but instead, the depression lifts anyway.

It is an awesome tool to take responsibility, fully and wholeheartedly, for one's own behavior. Most will say, "You made me do it!" I say, "I choose to do it, based on your input."

Interesting thing... No one has "control" of what is outside of themselves. The best we can hope for is influence. When we pick something up, we are highly influencing the object we pick up... But sometimes our influence falters and the object falls. If we were controlling it, it would never fall.

The ONLY thing we control (if we choose to) is our behavior. Most are taught that others control them (thus comments like "You made me do that..."), which is sad, really. When one is taught that others are in control, one is more readily influenced. And thus... We have the world we live in, with most of the people looking to others to solve their anguish.

And it is this the NWO and others use against us. They know that promising that they will "take care of" the problems (that they mostly have created in the first place), they can get by with awesome amounts of influence.

So ask yourself, the next time you are feeling poorly...why you are making that choice.

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